holy ego-butt-kick, Batman, today has not been good. i should have seen it coming but somehow i can plan a meal calendar out til sometime after our first child leaves for college but can’t look past the rosy events of today in order to see the distinct possibility of the storm clouds tomorrow.
yesterday was one of those beautiful days where the rays of heaven bounced lightly off the homeschooling halos encircling our heads. everyone stayed on schedule. everyone mastered the material. everyone remembered to take their plate into the kitchen after lunch. today was…not that. the wheels were falling off the bus before we left the station and i am pretty sure more than one heart was bruised by the ensuing chaos.
i just took my eye off the ball for a minute, or two. or the time in which is takes to watch “extreme make-over: weight loss edition” rather than do a little extra prep last night. and then there was the kid i let stay up a little too late (in order to keep me company while watching said episode). and the kid that woke up so far from the wrong side of the bed, i think he was in someone else’s room. and then there was…etc.
it is crazy how fast all those little errors in judgement pile up. like so much dirty laundry. one day your drawers are fully stocked and before you know it, you are left with mismatched socks and the underwear that you avoid wearing cause it always gives you a wedgie.
one starts to see how easy it is to wander off the straight and narrow. i used to feel so shocked when reading the biblical accounts of any one of the number of Bible superheros that start off in such enviable positions of favor with the Lord and end up in some spiritual desert, having forsaken the path of God. i must resist the temptation to shake my head in disbelief and feel superior. my focus has been known to wander as well and i certainly have felt the desert sands beneath my feet as well.
the difference between those who lie down to die in the desert and those who make their way out is small and yet enormous, a little thing and yet everything. the difference is simply the willingness to admit to being lost. to look upward and reorient oneself and ask for directions home. the former end up as skeletons buried in the sand while the later receive the lifesaving waters of grace and mercy. but you have to ask, not once but always. not one day but everyday.
so tomorrow i will start again. and today will be a grim reminder to always look keep my eyes focused. when tempted to lose focus i will pray for the grace to know better.
“prone to wander, Lord i feel it; prone to leave the God i love. here’s my heart oh take and seal it; seal it for thy courts above.”
Ah, Crab Apples! 